Mother's Heart


ISSUE 15 MAY 2013


11 Real Helps for Busy Mums


1. Life is not an emergency.
Life’s a gift.
Just Slow.

2. Now is not a forever grace but amazing grace.
Do whatever it takes to wake to wonder right here.
3. Sometimes the slowest way is the fastest way to joy.
Make time today, even a moment, to read Scripture and memorize it.

Without the lens of His Word, the world warps.
{Slowest=fastest to joy}

4. Laughter is the cheapest, holiest medicine.
Preschoolers laugh 300 times a day. Aim for double that. Tickle someone, (yourself!), if necessary. This is good!
 5. Motherhood is a hallowed place because children aren’t commonplace.
Co-laboring over the sculpting of souls is a sacred vocation, a humbling privilege.

Never forget.

6. Homemaking is about making a home, not about making perfection.
A perfect home is an authentic, creative, animated space where Peace and Christ and Beauty are embraced.

{Perfect does not equate to immaculate.}
7. A pail with a pinhole loses as much as the pail pushed right over.
A whole life can be lost in minutes wasted, small moments missed.

8. Believe it: I have all I need for today.
The needs of our day are great but our God is greater and we call Him Providence because we believe: He is the One who always provides.

{And when God provides, He should be praised, and if God always provides, shouldn’t praise always be on the lips?}
 9. Slow. Children at play.
The hurry hurts the kids.
Time’s this priceless currency and only the slow spend it wise enough to be rich.

If we had to actually buy our time, would we spend it more wisely — spend it more slowly?

{God’s Word never says Hurry Up. God words only whisper: Wake Up.}

10. Love is patient.
Parenting’s this gentle way of bending over in humility to help the scraped child up because we intimately know it takes a lifetime to learn how to walk with Him.

Patience.
Love always begins with patience.

11. The art of really celebrating life isn’t about getting it right — but about receiving Grace.
The sinners and the sick, the broken, the discouraged, the wounded and burdened — we are the ones who get to celebrate grace!
Regardless of the mess of your life, if Christ is Lord of your life, than we are the celebrants out dancing in a wild rain of grace — because when it’s all done and finished, all is well and Christ already said it was finished.n

ISSUE 14 APR 2013

At What Age Did You Stop Sinning


We are not much different from our little ones.
We sin. We complain. We rebel. We scream. We hurt. We are human, born with a sin disease swimming through our being, just like our babes. The Bible says, “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity” (Psalm 51:5). How easy it is to forget that we live in a sin- infested world with sin-infested DNA.
As the undeniable reality of my own sin nature convicted me of how I view my children, I was reminded of something I had read in one of Sally’s books. In Mission of Motherhood, she wrote about being frustrated with her children. She felt like her efforts weren’t proving fruitful, and no matter what she did with her children or how many times she told them what to do, it wasn’t working. Clay said to her, “Honey, at what age did you stop sinning? Because that’s when our children will stop.”
Wow. Is that a punch to the heart or what? It was for me. What a strong reminder that our children struggle just like we do. They have to fight the ugly in themselves, and it’s no fun for any of us. They are operating out of what they know, and it’s our job to civi- lize them (as my mother-in-law says). This means we need to offer them loads of grace and affirmation, so that they can be confident that we get it and we are on their team. I tell my children quite frequently, “Mommy needs help just like you. I need Jesus every day because I mess up, but He is gracious to love me and help, and He will help you too. We’re in this together.”
"Let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace in our time of need." Hebrews 4:1
A portion of this devotion was taken from Sarah Mae and Sally's new book,
 Desperate - Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe.


----------------

Dear Mum Who Is Struggling
I know that being a mother can be tough at times, plain hard to be exact.  I am a mom, just like you. I know what it is like to feel undervalued. I know what it is to suffer unspeakable losses and unjust situations due to things beyond our control. I have felt the betrayal of trust, countless lies told about me, the fury of someone’s wrath for things that I didn’t do. I have walked through seasons of sickness, loneliness, and despair. I have mothered alone while my husband was at war five different times. And I know you have gone through many hard things too. But through it all, we are still “Mom” and have a duty to raise our children.
I want you to know that you are not alone in your struggle. Countless other moms are doing what you are doing and struggling like you are struggling every single day. And the truth? You are still a beautiful child of God. You can still be a wonderful mother even when things all around you seem to be falling apart. You can still be accomplishing the very will of God in the midst of your very real struggles.
We all enjoy times of peace. However it is very important to remember that when we seek to be more like Him, He has to rid us of our impurities. Never forget that God’s promises us to give us beauty for our ashes. There are many things disguised in our sin that God has to burn out of us in order to purify us for His glory and make us more like Him. It’s all a part of the process. But the end result? Beauty.
While the struggles will come, so will the victory so long as you continue to fight the good fight of faith. I want you to know that I am praying for you. If I were able to, I would hug you and look you right in your eyes and tell you that I love you. I am fighting right beside you along with the multitude of other moms around the world. You are important, dear mom who is struggling. Very important. Never believe anything less.
Hold your head high, dear momma who is struggling. Your purpose is grand and you are very important. You are beautiful and valuable, dear struggling mom. You are necessary in God’s plan. You are a life-giving masterpiece created by the King of Kings for His glory. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus and this too shall pass. Before you know it, you’ll be walking into a season of rest. I’ll meet you there!

ISSUE 13 MAR 2013

10 Ways to Stay Energised As a Mum

by Crystal Paine....you can read it here.
As moms, it’s easy to get worn down, worn out, and exhausted. We are constantly caring for other people and if we aren’t careful, we’ll just completely burn out. With this in mind, here are 10 ways to stay energized as a mom:

1. Remove Some of the Drains

I read Leading on Empty last year and was so challenged by the author’s encouragement to make a list of those things that drain you and those things that energize you. When I made my list, I realized that things were very lopsided in my life: I was doing a lot more things that drained me and very few things that energized me.
Can I encourage you to try this exercise sometime this week? It may just be as eye-opening to you as it was to me!

2. Make Real-Life Friendships a Priority

Even if you’re an introvert like me, friendships are a necessity. Make them a priority. Ask your friend over for lunch. Say “yes” to the park playdate. Call or text your friend to see how she’s doing if you haven’t heard from her in a while.
Now, I must be quick to say that, if you’re a social butterfly, you might be burning yourself out by having too much social interaction. You might need to cut back and set some boundaries on how many social engagements or ministry opportunities so that you have more margin in your day.
Find a healthy balance that works for you. But whatever that healthy balance is, I promise you that it does not consist of you hiding away in your home as a hermit!

3. Shut the Electronics Down Early

My husband encouraged me to make it my goal to turn my laptop and my phone off by 6 p.m. every evening. I don’t always accomplish this, but I’ve found that I always wake up more energized and refreshed when I do.
Plus, if my computer is shut off by 6 p.m., I’m able to enjoy a completely distraction-free dinner and family time, rather than having to worry about answering that urgent email or respond to a blog comment.

4. Take a Weekly Sabbath

Going hand in hand with the above suggestion, I have become a very firm believer in taking a weekly Sabbath. This is something that God modeled for us when He created the earth. And I think it’s with very good reason: He knew our bodies and minds needed a weekly respite from all the busyness and activity.
Our family has chosen to make Sundays our weekly Sabbath. We typically do very little that day other than go to church, spend time with friends and family, and sleep and read. It’s a day to recharge, refresh, and reconnect — and it’s been one of the best decisions we’ve ever for the sanity and health of our family.

5. Swap an Afternoon of Childcare With Another Mom

I’m a firm believer in the fact that all moms need some quiet. If you’re currently feeling frazzled and overwhelmed, step back and ask yourself how much quiet you’ve had over the past few weeks. I’m amazed at what just an hour or two of uninterrupted quiet — even just to go grocery shopping! — can do for me as a mom.
One great way to accomplish weekly or bi-weekly quiet is to swap an afternoon of childcare with a friend every other week. Neither of you have to pay for a sitter and both of you get a guaranteed block of time to work on a project, enjoy a leisurely stroll through a bookstore, or even get in a nap!

6. Have a Quiet Hour

Speaking of quiet, another great way to have regular quiet time in your home is by practicing Quiet Hour at your house. When my children were little, this was a must. The two youngest would have their naps at the same time and my older daughter would play in her room, listen to audiobooks from the library, or play with Day of the Week Tubs.
If you’d like to do something similar in your home but this is a brand-new concept, start small. Get your kids excited about the idea of playing quietly with some special “For Quiet Time Only” toys or crafts and then tell them that you’re going to set the timer (for 15 minutes, maybe?) and if they don’t come out of their room until the timer goes off that they’ll get a reward. Gradually increase the time until you feel like you’ve found a good time increment that works best for your family (ideally somewhere around an hour, depending upon the age of your children).

7. Get Up Early

I know, I know. I probably sound like a broken record to be bringing this up in my last post and now again in this post. But I can’t tell you how much of a difference it makes!
I dare you to try getting up 15 to 30 minutes before the rest of your family for 3-4 weeks and just see if it makes a difference. If you’re anything like me, you’ll end up having a lot more energy and productivity by getting a head start on your day.

8. Take Care of Yourself

It’s not selfish to take care of yourself; it’s necessary for your sanity and health — and it will likely benefit your family and marriage, too! You see, if you don’t eat well, exercise, and get enough rest, you’re not going to have very much energy. And that’s going to directly impact your mothering and marriage.
In addition, take a little time to shower and make yourself presentable everyday. I know that sweats are comfy, but I promise that you’ll feel better if you take just a little time to look good for your family.

9. Laugh Often

Scripture says, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22). It’s amazing how smiling, laughing, and seeing the humorous side of life can just make life more enjoyable — and give you much more zest for life!
We laugh a lot at our house. We laugh at ourselves, we laugh at each other, and we sometimes laugh for seemingly no reason at all — or at least we forgot what it was that we were first laughing about. We believe life is meant to be savored — and sometimes being silly just makes it a whole lot more fun!
I’m always on the lookout for a funny story to share with Jesse from something the children say or do. If I find some funny photo or saying on Pinterest, I’ll email it to Jesse or save it to show him when he comes home. And we also love to watch comedy clips or funny movies as a family. Look for the humor in life — and you’ll probably start to find it just about everywhere!

10. Sing Loudly

This might seem a little crazy, but it’s just about near impossible to be despondent when you’re singing at the top of your lungs. In fact, I’ve found that even when I’m exhausted, if I turn on some upbeat music and start singing, I’m infused with a complete renewal of energy. Try it sometime and see if you prove me wrong! :)



ISSUE 12 FEB 2013

The "Love Chapter" for Parents of Toddlers

by Becca Swanson


From the Bible, the "Love Chapter," 1 Corinthians 13 (more specifically, verses 4-8), is often read at weddings, written on Valentine's Day cards, and used in reference to marriage or the love between sweethearts.
However, when used in the context of a parent - child relationship, the "Love Chapter" contains wonderful words of advice for parents, especially those of toddlers.
What does the "Love Chapter" say?

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (New International Version, ©2011)

How does this passage give advice to parents of toddlers?
"Love is patient." - With toddlers around, patience is the one thing most moms and dads need an abundance of. God tells us in this chapter that true love for your child is understanding and endlessly patient. This doesn't mean, as parents, that we're never going to lose our cool; however, God grants us His patience to get through any trying time in those challenging years, if we are humble and ask for it.
During those difficult days amidst the terrible twos, think of the ultimate parent - child relationship, and the eternal patience God has for us, his children, in our stubborn and rebellious times. Meditate on this analogy the next time you start losing your cool.
"Love is kind." - Kindness, in other words, is being compassionate and caring. It is having a soft spot for your child; tenderness brought to life, even in harsh circumstances. It is hard, sometimes, to feel like being kind, when your child has woken throughout the night, thrown food from the table, or thrown a temper tantrum in public. However, kindness means seeking God's grace, and choosing a spirit of gentleness and kindness, rather than bitterness, with your child.
"Love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." - It can be easy for a parent to compare their toddlers to other siblings, to children of acquaintances or even strangers in public - in both good and bad ways. We often wonder "Why can't my child be as easy-going and relaxed as someone else's?" or "Wow, my toddler behaves so much better at the dinner table than someone else's." In this passage, God is telling us to put aside those comparisons.
We need to remember that each child is different, and each one is a precious gift and blessing from God. A parent should look at their toddler as a responsibility that He has given to train up and mold, with each child being special and unique.
"Love does not dishonor others."- The Bible tells us to treat our little ones with respect. Even at one or two years old, they are worthy of our investment, love and honor. This means not poking fun at your child in a mean-hearted way, or complaining about their faults to others. It is holding your child in high regard, just as you would your spouse or yourself, as one of God's children.
"Love is not self-seeking." - So relevant for parents of toddlers, this tells us to put off selfishness and put on an attitude of servitude. Imagine your toddler pulling your leg, calling your name or crying for your attention; meanwhile, you peruse Facebook, lie in bed, watch the game, text, play video games or do another activity that keeps your attention away from your children.
This isn't telling us to avoid daily activities or not participate in our own interests; God is commanding us to not let our selfish interests take us away completely from the one blessing He has given us, that provides more joy than any other manmade thing or activity. When you invest time, love and attention in your toddlers, the rewards are bountiful.
"Love is not easily angered." - It's easy to snap at your toddler when they press buttons and push boundaries. A parent can sometimes feel as if they've said "No!" a hundred times, and the message still isn't getting through, causing yelling and hurtful words. God isn't telling us to avoid disciplining our children, or to not get upset by their behavior; instead, he's instructing us to choose an attitude of gentleness, and not blow up over the slightest annoyance. Anger should not be the option we automatically regress to, but one of love and long-suffering.
"Love keeps no record of wrongs." - Whether we admit it or not, we tend to lump all our children's negative behavior together: "He ALWAYS hits his sister!" or "She NEVER listens to me when I call her name!" God tells us in this passage that we are to, of course, discipline our children and punish them when needed; however, parents aren't to keep a long list of offenses their toddler has committed and pull these out when needed to support their side of an issue. As God has forgiven us, we are to forgive our children. Though we may not forget their behavior, we are to bury it and not hold it against them.
"Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth." - For this part of the chapter, we must think "What does God consider evil?" So many things come to mind, namely the big sins - adultery, murder, blasphemy, etc. - but remember how it grieves God when you gossip, lie, cheat, swear, or choose to fill your mind with hateful or evil things.
As a parent to young children, do you model sinful behaviors, or choose a lifestyle that honors God? Do you keep inappropriate shows on TV when your toddler enters the room? Do you keep that extra quarter the cashier mistakenly gave you with your change, or return it to the customer service desk, when your children are with you? Remember, when you have true love for your children, you will not delight in or tolerate sin, but choose to live a lifestyle honoring Him, as the godly role model He wants you to be.
"It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." - The Bible tells us that a parent with a godly love for their children, will be a source of unending protection (willing at any moment to lay down your life for your toddler, or giving up lifestyle choices that do not put your or your family's wellbeing first), unending faith in God (both to see you through your role as a parent and to trust that God is in control of your children's lives), unending excitement and joy for the future, and unending love that continues throughout the life of your toddler (even when times are hard).
"Love never fails..." - In other words, "love never amounts to nothing." Love is unfailing, it is eternal, it succeeds, it fulfills a purpose, and nothing can ever, ever take it away. As a parent of a toddler, what is your purpose for your child? What is the goal of your love for them? Because as God puts it, that love - a true, godly love - will never, ever fail.
Parents of toddlers know that these first couple years of our little one's lives can be challenging at times. It's not easy having a toddler, much less more than one. However, the Bible calls us in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 to show His love to our youngsters, a love that goes deep beyond the surface. Meditate on the advice listed in the "Love Chapter," and ask God to help you as you seek His grace in fulfilling these important instructions. 

ISSUE 11 DEC 2012

Are You Mum Enough? (Mommy Wars)

by Rachel Pieh Jones; desiringGod.org


I have spent 10 of my nearly 12 mommying years in Africa, so when an American friend mentioned the “Mommy Wars,” I had to ask her what that was.
Apparently, as she informed me, there is a perceived “mothering battleground” where moms pit themselves against each other over topics like feeding babies, choosing schools, eating healthy, disciplining children, and more.
Are You Mom Enough?
Time Magazine recently joined the fray with the provocative cover of a beautiful young mother visibly breastfeeding her four-year old son next to the title, “Are You Mom Enough?”
The message screamed at moms from this issue of Time, from television, Facebook, blogs, and Pinterest is: unless you are fit to run marathons, breastfeed into the preschool years, own a spotless and creatively decorated home, tend a flourishing garden, prepare three home-cooked meals per day, work a high-powered job, and give your husband expert, sensual massages before bed, you are not mom enough.
From my perspective, however, the Mommy War is over. Done. Finished. Kaput.
And I lost.
I am not mom enough. Never was, never will be.
But I am on the frontlines of another war. The battles are raging and the casualties could be my children, my husband, or myself. This war isn’t about me being mom enough. This war is about God being “God enough.”
Is God “God Enough”?
Is God “God enough” when my daughter falls from the roof and the nearest hospital is a two-hour drive and a four-hour flight away?
Is God “God enough” when a beloved friend and devoted mother is diagnosed with cancer?
Is God “God enough” when loneliness and culture shock creep in like a snake and squeeze my heart?
Is God “God enough” to take my best, stained efforts at childrearing and craft something that brings him pleasure?
Is God “God enough” to turn little hearts to him, and to hold them there?
Five loaves and two fish feed thousands. A shepherd boy takes out a giant. A king who commits adultery and murder is called “a man after God’s own heart.” A pagan prostitute bears the bloodlines of Jesus. A man dead and buried for days inhales fresh life. An outcast, stained with a continual flow of blood, is healed with the touch of a tunic. The wind and waves are stilled. The sting of death is vanquished, the curse removed forever.
God is, always has been, and always will be, God enough. The battle is over whether or not I will believe it, whether or not I will delight in God’s enough-ness.
Mom Enough
And somehow, in God’s mathematics of grace: Mom (never enough) + God (infinitely enough) = Mom enough.
Mom enough to believe and to be called Chosen, Daughter, Righteous, Honored, Heir, Forgiven, Redeemed.
Trusting in God, because of Christ, I will rise from the graveyard of Mommy War victims, victorious and filled with resurrection power. Loving and living in his perfect enough-ness, I will live to parent for another day. Never mom enough, but filled with the One who is always enough.n                         
Rachel Pieh Jones is a wife, mother, and freelance writer. She and her husband Tom have three children: Magdalene (11), Henry (11), and Lucy (6). She lives in east Africa and blogs at djiboutijones.com.






ISSUE 10 NOV 2012

Everyday Question of Motherhood
by Christine Hoover; desiringGod.org


As a mother, there is a constant, uncomfortable battle that rages inside of me. It is not the big or dramatic: Will I raise my children to love God? Will I train them to obey Him? Do my children belong to Him?
The constant battle of motherhood is more subtle, more everyday, more hideable. At the center is one question: Will I sacrifice? Or as Oswald Chambers poses in My Utmost for His Highest: "[Am I] willing to spend and be spent; not seeking to be ministered unto, but to minister?"
The Everyday Question isn't answered one time, with the birth of a child, with the planning of school, or with the decision to discipline. This question — Will I sacrifice? — is answered everyday.
It’s answered when a child wakes early with a need, interrupting my quiet hour alone with the Lord.
It’s answered when a sick child keeps me from worship and adult interaction at church on Sunday mornings.
It’s answered when I am emotionally spent, but a child’s behavior requires my patient, purposeful response.
It’s answered almost every moment of the potty training process.
It’s answered as I systematically teach my special-needs son how to interact with others.
In motherhood, the Everyday Question is answered every time a child’s concern or need must come before my own, which is most of the time.
Too often, I attend to necessary tasks — leaving the stove to help with pant buttons, putting down the phone to search for a beloved toy, excusing myself from a conversation at church to take tired children home for a nap — while my heart grumbles. If I just had one moment to complete a task or have an adult conversation without an interruption.
The Everyday Question, however, asks not just about what I do but also about my attitude: Will I joyfully pour out my life as a fragrant offering before the Lord for the benefit of my children? Will I serve my children out of obligation and duty or will I serve like I'm serving God Himself? Will I die to myself so that I might live to God in the specific calling He has given me as a mom? The Everyday Question must be answered everyday.
Because motherhood is not so much the big, dramatic acts of sacrifice, but the little, everyday, unseen ones.
Because we can have a clean house and obedient children and not sacrifice.
Because we are so easily deceived to think we can live for ourselves and be faithful to God in our ministry as moms.
Jesus said that those who live for themselves will actually have an unfulfilling life, but those who lose for their lives for His sake will really experience life. As parents, our self-death for Christ’s sake not only produces fruit in our own hearts, but produces fruit in the hearts of our children, fruit that grows by the power of God. Let us, then, choose to joyfully give of ourselves for our children. Everyday.

“For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal bodies.” (2 Cor 4:11)

“For the love of Christ compels us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died, and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.” (2 Corinthians 5:14–15)n

Christine Hoover is the wife to Kyle (a church planting pastor) and a stay-at-home mom to three kids (8, 6, 4; all boys). She is the author of 31 Days of Love Letters and the forthcoming book, The Church Planting Wife: Help and Hope for Her Heart (Moody, January 2013). She enjoys helping other ministry wives embrace God's calling on their lives through her blog: gracecoversme.com.
ISSUE 9  OCT 2012

Motherhood is Victory



by Rachel Jankovic; desiringGod.org



Jewish women waited for a messiah. They hungered to be the mother of the Savior. They bore children in the hope of a messiah. They raised, nourished, taught, and sheltered their children in anticipation. Anticipation of salvation. Hope for a victory. Faith in God’s promises.
And so many years later — here we are, doing many of the same small tasks. Aching bodies growing new life. Nursing babies waking us through the nights. Small children with small needs. Mouths to feed, over and over. Floors to clean, clothing to tend to, physical needs to meet.
VICTORY
But we are in a different place in this story. We are not mothering in hope anymore. We are mothering in victory. We are not bearing children to clear a field for planting, we are bearing children to work the harvest.
It can be so easy for us to get caught up in the details of mothering. The details of lost sippy cup lids, and watercolor messes. The demanding work of keeping the fridge full, and the laundry empty. The worry over high school grades and college scholarships. The work of buckling people in and out of our cars, spending the days in the details, and forgetting to see what the big story is.
The sacrifices we make every day are not made in a losing battle. They are the sacrifices of the victorious. They are the cost of a winning war.
ARROWS
God does not share our sentimental view of motherhood. While he delights in children, he does not speak of them in some cutesy photo shoot kind of a way. He compares them, not to tiny fairies, or dewey flowers, but to arrows. To weapons in the hand of a mighty man.
God does not tell us to desire the blessing of children because their cheerful voices will make our houses feel cozy. He tells us to desire children who will contend with the enemy in the gate.
It is natural and good that we delight in the little things with our children. God didn’t command mothers to rejoice over elbow dimples and the smell of a new baby’s head. He didn’t tell us to smile over them while they sleep, or to love the way they look in footie pajamas. He didn’t tell us these things, because He didn’t have to. That is the natural love of a mother for her children.
But the love that we need, the reminders we need, is to love them, not for our own sake, but for what God is doing through them. We need a supernatural love. We need to believe in the victory, to mother in faithful confidence.
“Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength because of thine enemies. That thou mightest still the enemy and the avenger" (Psalm 8:2).
These mouths we are feeding — these are the mouths that God has ordained to use to silence the enemy.
The victory is ours, because the Savior is ours.


ISSUE 8  SEPT 2012

A Positive Home


by Diane; from firststepstoday.com

We all get excited when we see our baby learning new things. Rolling over, sitting up, crawling. We tell everyone when we see the first tooth pop up. We love the sloppy kisses and the big smile that breaks through the tears when he catches a glimpse of us after we have been away for a while. We think about the safety of our homes when our little one begins to crawl, cruise, and walk. But we may not realize how important the atmosphere of our home is. 

Take a few minutes to think about how positive or negative your home is. You can use the points below as a guide.

A positive home is a peaceful home. All homes have tense moments, even tense times, but constant tension suggests unresolved problems. When both parents are working outside the home and dealing with tensions at work, those tensions may be acted out at home. If money is tight or the extended family has problems, tension increases. Knowing the source of these tensions can reduce the disturbing effects on peace in your home. Remember, the normal condition of a healthy home is peace, not tension.
A positive home is a joyful home. Depression, worry, and anger can lead to name-calling, isolation, and harsh punishment. (Note: If either parent has problems with anger, seek help now before your child gets any older.) But joy is the normal condition of a healthy home. Laughter and overall happiness energize the family.
A positive home is a place of positive attention. Rewarding success and good behavior goes much further than punishing failure or bad behavior. Children want to live up to your best opinion of them. Don’t let discouraging words be what your children remember most about you. Comfort your children, encourage them, listen to them. Reward creativity, too.
A positive home is a fair home. Favoritism can result in serious sibling rivalry. Different personalities attract or repel, but treatment of our children should be fair. One member of the family may need more attention, care, or provisions than the others at times. But if everyone knows that their needs will be met, resentment won’t grow. Guard your heart against favoritism or partiality.
A positive home has good communication. Distraction is a disease of our fast-paced lifestyle. Television or computers often take the place of communication. And computer addiction is growing. They may be used as a way to avoid others in the family and they can dictate the family schedule. Good communication is more than please, thank-you, and I’m sorry. It is also talking about what is important to each one. Practice ways to communicate about the things that matter. A positive home has lots of good conversation.
A positive home is full of love. Love your spouse. Be the example your children need of love, care, respect, and faithfulness. Love is seeing what we can do to help and doing it. Children thrive in an atmosphere of love.
Every family can be negative in one area or another or at one time or another. But we don’t have to stay that way. We all have a part to play. Every home can become more positive. So, seek ways to become more positive. Your children will thrive in a positive home environment and you will enjoy your family even more. 






ISSUE 7  AUG 2012

 
Motherhood is Application


by Rachel Jankovic; desiringGod.org



If I had to pick one word to describe motherhood, I think that word would be “transforming.”

The days of a busy mother are made up of millions of transformations. Dirty children become clean, the hungry child fed, the tired child sleeping. Almost every task a mother performs in the course of a normal day could be considered a transformation. Disorder to order, dirty clothes to clean, unhappy children to peaceful, empty fridge to full. Every day we fight against disorder, filth, starvation, and lawlessness, and some days we might almost succeed. And then, while we sleep, everything unravels and we start again in the morning — transforming.
Days of these little cycles add up and suddenly you see a big transformation. A nursing infant has become a boy on a bicycle, a baby bump has grown into a toddler, and children have been changed into brothers and sisters.

Then there is the kind of transformations that we do — not because we work at it, but because we were created to do it. You eat your lunch, and your body transforms it into nourishment for a baby. Taking something too big for an infant, and still finding a way to feed them with it — with the goal of growing them up to do it themselves.

Pregnancy and nursing are only a small part of a child’s life though — and this cycle is clearly not only a physical one. It is the spiritual cycle of food that is so much more important, and so much less talked about. Christian mothering is a constant cycle of nourishment — both physical and spiritual.

WE APPLY WHAT WE BELIEVE

In the same way we take the food we eat and make it into something the baby can eat (and our bodies simply do this without us willing them to), so we take what we believe about God and the gospel and faith and life, and we apply it in the places that seem too little for it.

Imagine yourself in your kitchen trying to make dinner for a group of little kids who are tired and should have eaten a half hour ago. Imagine that things are going wrong beyond that — maybe you are out of something you assumed you had, children are fussing with one another, and maybe your littlest is still at the age where they come stand on your feet and pull on your pant leg. Bonus points if you are wearing maternity pants and this little person is actually capable of pulling your pants down. You are hot, you are tired, and you are sick of it.

This is no time for a gospel presentation. There isn’t time. There isn’t anyone to lead the discussion around the felt board, because you are still scrambling to figure out dinner. This isn’t a time for a gospel presentation because it is a time for gospel application. This is a time to take the grace that God has extended to you, and feed your children with it. Apply what you believe about God’s mercy and kindness and long suffering towards us, and pour it out to them — in a form they can believe in. Unrest like this is just like a baby crying for a bottle — only what they need is spiritual milk. They need you to feed them, not with a lecture, but with application.

YOU HAVE EVERYTHING THAT YOU NEED

Mothering is a job that is full of difficult moments. Diapers blow out in stores when you have too much in your cart to just walk out. Sudden carsickness can leave you pulled over on the side of the road wondering just how much can be done with half a bag of wet wipes. You need to take what you believe and apply it to these difficult moments. Does the Bible teach us that God is disgusted by our frailty? That he doesn’t want to carry our burdens? That he doesn’t have the energy to deal with us?

The good news is, you don’t need to have been through some elite mother’s training camp to apply the gospel in your life. You need to believe. Trust God, give thanks. Laugh. Believe — and that will feed your children. Rest in God, and your children will learn to. Extend God’s kindness to you, to them. Forgive them the way God forgave you. You have everything you need to spiritually nourish your children, because you have Christ.

The gospel is not just something to talk about Sunday morning while you are in clean clothes and the kids are looking orderly. It is not limited to quiet times and reflective moods. It is something to apply while you are in a difficult position in the back of the car trying to buckle a child up who is playing the kazoo and needs their nose wiped.
God is not above these moments. He is teaching us, and leading us, and refining us, in them. He wants to see our faith in action. He wants to see us feeding our children with the grace that he has given to us.
MIMIC THE GOSPEL
Of course, this side of heaven we will not do perfectly. Harsh words will be spoken, patience will wear thin. Frazzled mothers will act frazzled. And when this happens, our own sinfulness does not detract from the power of the gospel, it illustrates why we need it. Do not use your own mistakes as an excuse to wallow about what a bad mother you are. Repent, seek forgiveness, get it right, and move on. Believe. Be forgiven. Extend that forgiveness, that belief, that joy, to your children.
As you go about your daily transformations, set your heart on the truth. Mimic the gospel in what you do. Bring peace, bring order, bring joy, bring laughter. Bring it because it was brought to you. Give, because it was given to you. The gospel is not too big to fit into little situations. It is too big not to.


 Mothering Mistakes and God's Grace


by Carrie Ward; blogger and author at aneverydaymama.com

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve had several email exchanges and conversations with moms of grown children who wish they could go back and do a few things differently. This includes one conversation with my own mother (who, by the way, was, and is, a spectacular mom).

There is no doubt that we all have made mothering mistakes. There are things we wish we had done for our children that we didn’t, and things we did that we wish we hadn’t. (If you’re like me you can think of some things you regret just yesterday!) But if your kids are grown, the regret may be hanging heavy over you.

This is why the good news of Jesus is such good news. Our hope is not in our perfection. Our hope is in Christ. Jesus was perfect and sinless and he died to take the punishment for our sins. This is truly good news, because as long as we have breath, we have an opportunity to repent and seek Jesus.  We have the chance to pray for our kids, love on them, and be an example of a mom dependent on Christ.

And we can ask God to give us opportunities reach out to others.

Yes, my hope for Together [her book] is that God would use it to stir the hearts of moms to read the Bible with their own children. But the idea of Together can go beyond this. If your kids are grown and gone, or if you don’t have children, look for everyday ways to invest and “spiritually mother” others.

If you’re a grandmother, do you have the opportunity to soak up precious time with your grandkids (or great-grandkids)? Use this season of life and this time and enjoy reading the Word of God with them.

Do you have a friend who is struggling to be consistent in reading the Bible? Meet her for lunch two days a week, read Scripture and talk about what you’ve read.

Are there some young moms in your church who need the example of an older, wiser mom?

We all have to go to God regularly and ask His forgiveness for the sins we have

committed in our mothering. But God forgives. He forgives!

And we have the chance anew to seek Jesus … and look for opportunities to point others to Christ and His Word.


The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;

his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”
(Lamentations 3:22-24 ESV)





ISSUE 6  JUL 2012

 

The Habit of a Mother who Changes the World

by Anne Voskamp; Blogger at aholyexperience.com

To read from Anne's blog go here.


Houses may be bought, built, or borrowed.

But homes can only be made.


And only with bits of ourselves.


The kids and I sit together close in a house with dishes on the counter and read about painters and artists and look at a flock of ducks, preened and nestled, a painting, oil on canvas.


The children press in close for a better look at the open book, at Alexander Koester’s “Ducks“, and I read aloud the caption under the painting.


“Mother ducks pick feathers from their chests to line their nests.”

I look around at the house. I pause.
And the children gaze thoughtfully at a clutch of plump white, blizzard of feathers fallen down.
But it’s those words that mesmerize me: “Mother ducks pick feathers from their chests, to line their nests.”
I lay my hand on the page, on a duck breast puffed, mother plunging beak in deep, and I say it out loud: “How else did you think nests were lined?”
With leftovers.
That’s what I thought.
With feathers discarded, the molted, the not-so-necessary feathers.
I thought mother ducks picked feathers up from what was laying about, scraps, lining nests with what simply could be mustered after the fact.
But no. No, a mother duck plucks each feather out from the heart of her bosom.
She lines the nest with bits of herself — the best of herself.
A mother cups her brood not with leftovers — but with her own sacrifice.

The kids pull at the corner of the page, anxious to see the next painting.
Reluctantly, I turn the page. But for weeks, I’m the one turned.
For weeks, part of me lives among Koester’s ducks.
I scrub out the arches of muffin tins after breakfast on a misty morning, the clock ticking insufferably loud in my ears, time running down.
Children need books and learning, and I’m tuned for the expected chime of the doorbell, a service personnel’s scheduled visit.
And the words rise like this lava, “I don’t have time for this! No muffins tomorrow morning!”
Pluck.
It’s like I can feel it.
Like I can feel this tugging.
The service man meets me with muffin tins still in the sink. He meets happy kids. Could I meet needs with a bit more of me?
There are times, too many, when they call, “Read me a story?” “Wanna play a game with me?” “Can you come help me?”
And this mother refuses to pluck.
Something, some task, someone (me?), rates as more pressing, more important. I deem our nest acceptable just as it is. I don’t want to sacrifice more of me.
Then it comes: the pecking, the scratching, the squawking. When the feather lining of the nest wears thin, the nest chafes hard. We feel it. We hurt. Life gets hard.
Nests need feathers deep.
Someone must pluck.
When will I learn: The down we sacrifice from ourselves — this is what settles and soothes.
Scraps won’t suffice.
Not mere snippets of time, leftover me, a trinket, a diversion, tossed.
Mother ducks don’t line nests with feathers, dirty and trampled, the molted and unnecessary. Why would I? Nests need feathers fresh, warm with mother’s life.
The pain of the plucking can linger long.
The parts of oneself sacrificed, this can hurt.
But was it really sacrifice? Or was my skin just too tender? It’s done, it was necessary, and it was for something better.
Some nights, when all sleep, I feel along the hidden bald patches.

Come evening, I ask a boy to vacuum up popcorn and paper remnants and bits of the day.
Dinner needs making, laundry needs rescuing, math needs marking. My head aches. Popcorn crunches under the feet.
The boy hauls the vacuum cleaner out of the front closet. I should have noticed how his eyes had this glint. He plugs in the machine and it grumbles loud and he recalibrates that vacuum cleaner —- to fire socks.
He’s firing sock cannons across the kitchen.
His brothers dive in. Socks fly. Brothers howl and whip and it gets loud.
Caught in the cross-fire with a pot in hand – a mother can either erupt. Or Pluck.
This old mother, she tosses the pot and chases down future men, wrestles them down and pins them in tickles. It feels good, wild and alive.
We warm here in laughter.
Us close, one atop the other, nesting down into sacrifices, soft and small, a solace.

Night descends. Kids crawl into beds. I read stories, stroke hair, say prayers.
Prayers to Him who plucked hard from His own heart.
A sacrifice, staggering and true, for love of His very own.
We learn love from His laid down.
Tired heads nestle into pillows, into these pillows of down.
We rest on all these feathers plucked…



ISSUE 5  JUN 2012

How to Miss a Childhood

by Rachel Macy Stratford; Blogger at Hands Free Mama



By sharing my own painful truths when it comes to the distractions of the modern age, I have gained an unexpected insight. In the 18 months this blog has existed, I have been privy to a new distraction confession every single day.
Up until now, I never knew what to do with this unusual collection of painful admissions from an overly connected society. But today, in a moment of clarity, I knew. And a woman with 35 years experience as a day care provider held the key.
It came as a message in my inbox after the woman read my post “The Children Have Spoken” which included heart-breaking observations from children themselves about their parents’ excessive phone use.
As soon as I read the first sentence of the caregiver’s email, I knew this message was different than any I had ever received. The hairs on my arms stood up as I absorbed each word that came uncomfortably close to home.
It was a voice of heartache, wisdom, and urgency speaking directly to the parents of the 21st century:


“I can recall a time when you were out with your children you were really with them. You engaged in a back and forth dialog even if they were pre-verbal. You said, ‘Look at the bus, see the doggie, etc.’ Now I see you on the phone, pushing your kids on the swings while distracted by your devices. You think you are spending time with them but you are not present really. When I see you pick up your kids at day care while you’re on the phone, it breaks my heart. They hear your adult conversations. What do they overhear? What is the message they receive? I am not important; I am not important.”
In a 100-word paragraph this concerned woman who has cared for babies since 1977 revealed a disturbing recipe … How to Miss a Childhood.
And because I possess hundreds of distraction confessions, including stories from my own former highly distracted life, I have all the damaging ingredients.
All it takes is one child and one phone and this tragic recipe can be yours.
HOW TO MISS A CHILDHOOD:
*Keep your phone turned on at all times of the day. Allow the rings, beeps, and buzzes to interrupt your child mid-sentence; always let the caller take priority.
*Carry your phone around so much that when you happen to leave it in one room your child will come running with it proudly in hand—treating it more like a much needed breathing apparatus than a communication device.
*Decide the app you’re playing is more important than throwing the ball in the yard with your kids. Even better, yell at them to leave you alone while you play your game.
*Take your children to the zoo and spend so much time on your phone that your child looks longingly at the mother who is engaged with her children and wishes she was with her instead.
*While you wait for the server to bring your food or the movie to start, get out your phone and stare at it despite the fact your child sits inches away longing for you talk to him.
*Go to your child’s sporting event and look up periodically from your phone thinking she won’t notice that you are not fully focused on her game.
*Check your phone first thing in the morning … even before you kiss, hug, or greet the people in your family.
*Neglect daily rituals like tucking your child into bed or nightly dinner conversation because you are too busy with your online activity.
*Don’t look up from your phone when your child speaks to you or just reply with an “uh huh” so she thinks you were listening.
*Lose your temper with your child when he “bothers” you while you are interacting with your hand-held electronic device.
*Give an exasperated sigh when your child asks you to push her on the swing. Can’t she see you’re busy?
*Use drive time to call other people regardless of the fact you could be talking to your kids about their day—or about their worries, their fears, or their dreams.
*Read email and text messages at stoplights. Then tell yourself that when your kids are old enough to drive they won’t remember you did this all the time.
*Have the phone to your ear when she gets in or out of the car. Convince yourself a loving hello or goodbye is highly overrated.
Follow this recipe and you will have:
• Missed opportunities for human connection
• Fewer chances to create beautiful memories
• Lack of connection to the people most precious to you
• Inability to really know your children and them unable to know you
• Overwhelming regret
If you find this recipe difficult to read—if you find that you have tears in your eyes, I thank you, and your child thanks you.
It is not easy to consider the possibility that the distractions of the modern age have taken an undeserved priority over the people who matter in your life. In fact, when I admitted this difficult truth to myself almost two years ago, I experienced an emotional breakdown. However, that breakdown became a breakthrough that propelled me to begin my life-changing “Hands Free” journey.
Here’s the thing: You don’t have to follow the above recipe. Yes, it is the 21st century. Yes, the whole world is online. Yes, the communications for your job are important. Yes, at times you must be readily available. But despite all those factors, you do not have to sacrifice your child’s childhood; nor do you have to sacrifice your life.
May I recommend this recipe instead?
HOW TO GRASP A CHILDHOOD:




*Look into her eyes when she speaks to you … Your uninterrupted gaze is love to your child.
*Take time to be with him—really be with him by giving your full attention … The gift of your total presence is love to your child.
*Hold her hand, rub his back, listen to her heart beat, and smooth his hair … Your gentle touch is love to your child.
*Greet her like you missed her when she was not in your presence … Seeing your face light up when you see her is love to your child.
*Play with him … Your involvement in his activities is love to your child.
*Set an example of being distraction-free while driving … Positive role modeling behind the wheel is love (and safety) to your child.
*Create a distraction-free daily ritual … Consistently making him a priority each day is love to your child.
*Focus and smile at her from the stands, sidelines, or the audience … Seeing the joy on your face as you watch is love to your child.
The recipe for “How to Grasp a Childhood” requires only one thing: You must put down your phone. Whether it is for ten minutes, two hours, or an entire Saturday, beautiful human connection, memory making, and parent-child bonding can occur every single time you let go of distraction to grasp what really matters.
The beautiful, life-changing results of your “Hands Free” action can start today … right now … the moment you put down the phone.
My life changed the day I stopped justifying my highly distracted life and  admitted I was missing precious moments that I would never retrieve. I imagined my daughter standing on the stage of her high school graduation and asked myself: When she is 18 years old, will I wish I had spent more time on my phone/work/social life? Or will I wish I had spent more time investing in her?
The answer was simple.
My hope is that this post inspires one person to become aware of how often he or she uses the phone (or computer) in the presence of a child. Please help spread this critical message by clicking “share.” By falling into the right hands, it could be the best Mother’s Day gift ever received.
*For continued inspiration and tips about letting go of distraction to connect with the people you love please join “The Hands Free Revolution.” We are a growing community striving to grasp “the moments that matter” in our one precious life! 









ISSUE 4  MAY 2012

The "Barely Surviving It" Season

an excerpt from Life On Planet Mom by Lisa T. Bergren




Even if you’re in the “barely surviving it” season, you can touch on each of your most important relationships every day. Ignored relationships can become wounded relationships, which in the long run will take your energy  to heal. So what if you spent five minutes, just five minutes of each day taking care of the big six: God, self, spouse, extended family, friends, community/world? I’m talking thirty minutes to take basic care of your most important relationships. Do it when the kids are napping, before they wake up in the morning, or right after they go to bed at night. You can set a timer, if you want, to keep yourself on track. And if you’re a career mom, you could even do this every day during your lunch hour. What might those thirty minutes look like? Here are some examples:

GOD:
Find a daily devotional to read--in book form or online. Then in five minutes of quiet, read it.
SELF:
Heat up one of those neck pillows and throw in the microwave and sit, still and quiet, thinking about your life. Count each of your blessings, even if it’s the same blessings you counted yesterday. Think about the devotional you just read, and how it applies to your life. Say a prayer.
SPOUSE:
Email your husband at work or draft an email to send him later, telling him that he’s one of your blessings. Thank him for something specific he did today or he does every day.
EXTENDED FAMILY:
Create a family group on Facebook (or another network site) and invite everyone important and close to you to join it. Say “I know I’m not that good about staying in touch right now. I hope in a few months life will be more sane. (Sleep will help!) In the meantime, thanks for your understanding and support. It means so much. I thought this might be a good way for me to touch base and hopefully to hear from you. Please do let me know what‘s going on in your life. I might be groggy, sleep deprived, but I still love you and care! P.S. Here’s the newest picture of the Princess/Prince.”
Now you’ve set the stage for “quick touches” in the next few months--sweet! Then, each day, check your Facebook account and post something about your day and a photo, if you have one. See if your family members posted and respond to them too.
Undoubtedly, if you’re close with your mother, this won’t be everything she needs, so decide if you should have a quick daily call, or if you’ll need to commit to a weekly hour-long call when your husband is around. Or if she lives in town, invite her over to hang out. You’ll take off some pressure, however, if you do something like Facebook!

FRIENDS:
What you just did for family (Facebook and so on) now do with your closest girlfriends. In the combined ten minutes you have for friends/family you can “touch” all of them! (Set a timer--those sites can absorb hours if you let them!)
Once a week, when you have backup support from Hubby, allot twenty minutes to call one of your closest friends and catch up. Start the conversation with , “Hey, I had twenty minutes and just wanted to hear your voice. How are things going for you?” (That way, your four closest pals are at least hearing from you once a month.)
COMMUNITY/WORLD:
Subscribe (use that orange RSS button) to a trusted blog, newsletter, or paper that addresses issues that matter to you. Scan headlines each day so you have some semblance of knowledge of what’s going on! And find a mission organization that you care about; most will send you a daily or weekly eNewsletter (if you subscribe) and it will prompt you to pray for them--a way to take action as a globa-mama.

You see how it works? Even the stressed-out mom can work in this much time and energy on her relationships, and it will keep her from getting more fried because her loved ones are all hurt and angry! I call it preventative care. Just like you take your baby to the doctor for regular check-ups, solely to make sure all is developing right, so must you take care of your “village” and you. As life eases up, and you start breathing and sleeping again, take thirty to sixty minutes a day to stay in touch. It’s amazing what good you can do in sixty minutes, spending just ten minutes on each of those most important relationships!
And soon you might even be able to steal away for a lunch with a girlfriend or an afternoon of shopping with your mom or, wait, brace yourself, a weekend away on retreat with those nice girls from church you’ve wanted to get to know but haven’t had the chance. It all comes around in time. In the meantime, be patient and gentle with yourself. Adapt to the season, but be aware of changes in the air, in your schedule, changes that signal the transition of one season into another-- don’t let a season become a lifetime.n

Lisa T. Bergren is the best-selling, award-winning author of over 30 books, with more than 1.5 million copies sold. She is married and has three kids--Olivea (15), Emma (12), and Jack (7). They live in Colorado Springs, Colorado USA.










ISSUE 3  APR 2012

Don't Carpe Diem

by Glennon Melton; Blogger Momastry


Every time I'm out with my kids -- this seems to happen:
An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, "Oh, Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast."
Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy everysecond, etc, etc, etc.
I know that this message is right and good. But, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn't work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life - while I'm raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I'm not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I'm doing something wrong.
I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.
And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers -- "ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T!" TRUST US!! IT'LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!" -- those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.

Now. I'm not suggesting that the sweet old ladies who tell me to ENJOY MYSELF be thrown from a mountain. These are wonderful ladies. Monkees, probably. But last week, a woman approached me in the Target line and said the following: "Sugar, I hope you are enjoying this. I loved every single second of parenting my two girls. Every single moment. These days go by so fast."
At that particular moment, Amma had arranged one of the new bras I was buying on top of her sweater and was sucking a lollipop that she must have found on the ground. She also had three shop-lifted clip-on neon feathers stuck in her hair. She looked exactly like a contestant from Toddlers and Tiaras. I couldn't find Chase anywhere, and Tish was grabbing the pen on the credit card swiper thing WHILE the woman in front of me was trying to use it. And so I just looked at the woman, smiled and said, "Thank you. Yes. Me too. I am enjoying every single moment. Especially this one. Yes. Thank you."
That's not exactly what I wanted to say, though.
There was a famous writer who, when asked if he loved writing, replied, "No. but I love having written." What I wanted to say to this sweet woman was, "Are you sure? Are you sure you don't mean you love having parented?"
I love having written. And I love having parented. My favorite part of each day is when the kids are put to sleep (to bed) and Craig and I sink into the couch to watch some quality TV, like Celebrity Wife Swap, and congratulate each other on a job well done. Or a job done, at least.

Every time I write a post like this, I get emails suggesting that I'm being negative. I have received this particular message four or five times -- G, if you can't handle the three you have, why do you want a fourth?
That one always stings, and I don't think it's quite fair. Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it's hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she's not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn't add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it's so hard means she IS doing it right...in her own way...and she happens to be honest.

Craig is a software salesman. It's a hard job in this economy. And he comes home each day and talks a little bit about how hard it is. And I don't ever feel the need to suggest that he's not doing it right, or that he's negative for noticing that it's hard, or that maybe he shouldn't even consider taking on more responsibility. And I doubt anybody comes by his office to make sure he's ENJOYING HIMSELF. I doubt his boss peeks in his office and says: "This career stuff...it goes by so fast...ARE YOU ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT IN THERE, CRAIG???? CARPE DIEM, CRAIG!"
My point is this. I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn't enjoying it enough. Double failure. I felt guilty because I wasn't in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn't MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I'd wake up and the kids would be gone, and I'd be the old lady in the grocery store with my hand over my heart. Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.
But the fact remains that I will be that nostalgic lady. I just hope to be one with a clear memory. And here's what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in line:

"It's helluva hard, isn't it? You're a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She's my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime." And hopefully, every once in a while, I'll add -- "Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up -- I'll have them bring your groceries out."
Anyway. Clearly, Carpe Diem doesn't work for me. I can't even carpe fifteen minutes in a row, so a whole diem is out of the question.
Here's what does work for me:
There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It's regular time, it's one minute at a time, it's staring down the clock till bedtime time, it's ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it's four screaming minutes in time out time, it's two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.
Then there's Kairos time. Kairos is God's time. It's time outside of time. It's metaphysical time. It's those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.
Like when I actually stop what I'm doing and really look at Tish. I notice how perfectly smooth and brownish her skin is. I notice the perfect curves of her teeny elf mouth and her asianish brown eyes, and I breathe in her soft Tishy smell. In these moments, I see that her mouth is moving but I can't hear her because all I can think is -- This is the first time I've really seen Tish all day, and my God -- she is sobeautiful. Kairos.
Like when I'm stuck in chronos time in the grocery line and I'm haggard and annoyed and angry at the slow check-out clerk. And then I look at my cart and I'm transported out of chronos. And suddenly I notice the piles and piles of healthy food I'll feed my children to grow their bodies and minds and I remember that most of the world's mamas would kill for this opportunity. This chance to stand in a grocery line with enough money to pay. And I just stare at my cart. At the abundance. The bounty. Thank you, God. Kairos.
Or when I curl up in my cozy bed with Theo asleep at my feet and Craig asleep by my side and I listen to them both breathing. And for a moment, I think- how did a girl like me get so lucky? To go to bed each night surrounded by this breath, this love, this peace, this warmth? Kairos.
These kairos moments leave as fast as they come- but I mark them. I say the word kairos in my head each time I leave chronos. And at the end of the day, I don't remember exactly what my kairos moments were, but I remember I had them. And that makes the pain of the daily parenting climb worth it.
If I had a couple Kairos moments during the day, I call it a success.
Carpe a couple of Kairoses a day.
Good enough for me.

Find the link to this article click here.
Or go to Momastery Blog for more articles by Glennon.

ISSUE 2  MAR 2012
Motherhood as a Mission Field

There is a good old saying, perhaps only said by my Grandfather, that distance adds intrigue. It is certainly true — just think back to anything that has ever been distant from you that is now near. Your driver’s license. Marriage. Children. Things that used to seem so fascinating, but as they draw near become less mystical and more, well, real.
This same principle certainly applies to mission fields too. The closer you get to home, the less intriguing the work of sacrifice seems. As someone once said, “Everyone wants to save the world, but no one wants to help Mom with the dishes.” When you are a mother at home with your children, the church is not clamoring for monthly ministry updates. When you talk to other believers, there is not any kind of awe about what you are sacrificing for the gospel. People are not pressing you for needs you might have, how they can pray for you. It does not feel intriguing, or glamorous. Your work is normal, because it is as close to home as you can possibly be. You have actually gone so far as to become home.

Home: The Headwaters of Mission

If you are a Christian woman who loves the Lord, the gospel is important to you. It is easy to become discouraged, thinking that the work you are doing does not matter much. If you were really doing something for Christ you would be out there, somewhere else, doing it. Even if you have a great perspective on your role in the kingdom, it is easy to lose sight of it in the mismatched socks, in the morning sickness, in the dirty dishes. It is easy to confuse intrigue with value, and begin viewing yourself as the least valuable part of the Church.
There are a number of ways in which mothers need to study their own roles, and begin to see them, not as boring and inconsequential, but as home, the headwaters of missions.
At the very heart of the gospel is sacrifice, and there is perhaps no occupation in the world so intrinsically sacrificial as motherhood. Motherhood is a wonderful opportunity to live the gospel. Jim Elliot famously said, “He is no fool who gives up that which he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.” Motherhood provides you with an opportunity to lay down the things that you cannot keep on behalf of the people that you cannot lose. They are eternal souls, they are your children, they are your mission field.

Faith Makes the Small Offering Great

If you are like me, then you may be thinking “What did I ever give up for them? A desk job? Time at the gym? Extra spending money? My twenty- year- old figure? Some sleep?” Doesn’t seem like much when you put it next to the work of some of the great missionaries, people who gave their lives for the gospel.
Think about the feeding of the five thousand when the disciples went out and rounded up the food that was available. It wasn’t much. Some loaves. Some fish. Think of some woman pulling her fish out and handing it to one of the disciples. That had to have felt like a small offering. But the important thing about those loaves and those fishes was not how big they were when they were given, it was about whose hands they were given into. In the hands of the Lord, that offering was sufficient. It was more than sufficient. There were leftovers. Given in faith, even a small offering becomes great.
Look at your children in faith, and see how many people will be ministered to by your ministering to them. How many people will your children know in their lives? How many grandchildren are represented in the faces around your table now?

Gain What You Cannot Lose in Them

So, if mothers are strategically situated to impact missions so greatly, why do we see so little coming from it?  I think the answer to this is quite simple: sin. Discontent, pettiness, selfishness, resentment. Christians often feel like the right thing to do is to be ashamed about what we have. We hear that quote of Jim Elliot’s and think that we ought to sell our homes and move to some place where they need the gospel.
But I’d like to challenge you to look at it differently. Giving up what you cannot keep does not mean giving up your home, or your job so you can go serve somewhere else. It is giving up yourself. Lay yourself down. Sacrifice yourself here, now. Cheerfully wipe the nose for the fiftieth time today. Make dinner again for the people who don’t like the green beans. Laugh when your plans are thwarted by a vomiting child. Lay yourself down for the people here with you, the people who annoy you, the people who get in your way, the people who take up so much of your time that you can’t read anymore. Rejoice in them. Sacrifice for them. Gain that which you cannot lose in them.
It is easy to think you have a heart for orphans on the other side of the world, but if you spend your time at home resenting the imposition your children are on you, you do not. You cannot have a heart for the gospel and a fussiness about your life at the same time. You will never make any difference there if you cannot be at peace here. You cannot have a heart for missions, but not for the people around you. A true love of the gospel overflows and overpowers. It will be in everything you do, however drab, however simple, however repetitive.
God loves the little offerings. Given in faith, that plate of PB&J’s will feed thousands. Given in faith, those presents on Christmas morning will bring delight to more children than you can count. Offered with thankfulness, your work at home is only the beginning. Your laundry pile, selflessly tackled daily, will be used in the hands of God to clothe many. Do not think that your work does not matter. In God’s hands, it will be broken, and broken, and broken again, until all who have need of it have eaten and are satisfied. And even then, there will be leftovers.
Rachel Jankovic is a wife, homemaker, and mother. She is the author of "Loving the Little Years" and blogs at Femina. Her husband is Luke, and they have five children: Evangeline (5), Daphne (4), Chloe (2), Titus (2), and Blaire (5 months).





ISSUE 1  FEB 2012
Mission of Motherhood: Hearts and Hands

An excerpt from the book: Mission of Motherhood: Touching your Chid’s Heart for Eternity 
by Sally Clarkson

"As I look back to memories of my childhood, a strong image that comes to my mind is that of my mother’s loving hands. I thought they were the most beautiful in the world. In many ways, I still feel that way. Because I had been a premature baby, I was often sick with a variety of illnesses...my memories of these illnesses, however, are most pleasant, because my mother would gently stroke my brow as she talked softly or told me stories and gave me her full attention. I remember feeling very loved from such focussed attention.                                                               
At other times, when I fidgeted in church services, I remember my mother’s hands massaging my own, pulling and squeezing each of my fingers as she quietly played finger games with me. As a young child, sitting next to her in a big overstuffed chair, I would watch her hands as she read to me from an oversized children’s book. Her fingers would point to the enticing, heart-delighting pictures and turn the pages of the large volumes as we leisurely sat together and talked and read.   
      And during the period when I  was having a recurring nightmare--one I still remember!--I especially remember the comfort of my mother’s hands when she came to my bedside. She would take my hand in hers as she knelt to pray with me, soothing away my fears and comforting me as she entreated God to take all of my bad thoughts away.
       Now, many, many years removed from my mother and a thousand miles away, these memories of my mother’s hands are still strong in my heart. Those hands are now old and wrinkled and aching with arthritis, yet still, as an adult, I often wish she were with me to stroke my brow in the midst of illness and exhaustion, to massage away the frustration and boredom of tedious days, to open windows to the world while reading to me in a big old chair, and to take my hand in prayer and cast away all the fears of my life. The touch of a mother’s hand and the power of a mother’s love indeed has carried me through many moments of my life.                                                                                                               
     As I look to the needs of children of today, I am convinced they need the same things from their mothers that I needed--and received--from mine. They need not only the gentle touch of a mother’s hands, but their focus and her attention on a daily basis. They need a champion and a cheerleader, someone who has the time and energy to give encouragement along life’s way and comfort in dark times. They need a directive voice to show them how to live.    
      These are not frivolous demands. They’re part of the way God designed children. And meeting those needs is not an option or a sideline for mothers, but part of his design as well. Perhaps because I was fortunate enough to have a mother who met my own needs so beautifully, God has put on my heart a desire to encourage other mothers by showing them the significant role they play in the lives of their precious children--and by assuring them that their deep desire to devote time and energy to their families is a vital part of God’s call on their life.                                                                         
      Women are unsure of what it means to be a good mother. They are confused by a culture that sends them drastically mixed messages about the importance of a mother’s influence and what her priorities should be. As a result, so many mothers I meet are baffled and frustrated.  They don’t know how to reconcile these conflicting messages with the calling of God on their hearts and lives.       
      What’s the cure for this confusion? I believe it lies with a rediscovery of the traditional mission of motherhood, a rediscovery of that God had in mind when he first designed families. That fundamental design is still valid, although its specific shape in a given home may vary widely. And the fundamental mission of motherhood now is the same as it always was: to nurture, protect, and instruct children, to create a home environment that enables them to learn and grow, to help them develop a heart for God and his purposes, and to send them out into the world prepared to live both fully and meaningfully. It’s up to us to embrace that mission as our own, trusting God to walk us through the details and to use our willing mothers‘ hands as instruments of his blessings."


To order the book go: HERE

                         

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